Joyous & Joyless Aggression:

Joyous & Joyless Aggression:
The joyous consciousness state that I experienced in 1977 was essentially because of my newfound aggressiveness. When I was quite sure I had changed irrevocably to become assured & fearless, I was not kidding myself I had changed, I knew with quiet assurance it was an unimaginable breakthrough, a consciousness state that nobody before could have experienced, like a form of enlightenment or awakening of the consciousness or blissful permanent, not a temporary release from suffering like from drug or alcohol.

Although I had qualms about being aggressive, about my newfound aggressiveness, I asked myself why is it that even though there are so many aggressive people throughout the ages and now; how come they never stumbled on this joyful quantum consciousness leap? How is it that when I became aggressive, it was as if a door opened in my mind but other aggressive people never experienced the same breakthrough state when they are habitually aggressive? Surely, in all the incidents of aggressions, there must be one instance where they must have tasted this unheard joy and pursuing it, break through mental barriers to discover this state of the mind I discovered? I could not explain why then.

Now I understand why. Although aggression is ultimately stressful and harmful to both self and others, my newfound aggression was directed against the force of going against myself to act weak and dependant. It was directed at being forcefully myself, being true to myself and others and being truly good instead of acting good. This was the reason it was joyous because it was breaking the shackles of falsehood, inhibition, pretense and manipulation of others.

When ordinary people throughout the ages and even today were aggressive, they were lashing out at others, manipulating and harming others and themselves, reinforcing their force of going against themselves in the name of deceiving, pleasing, impressing, intimidating and dominating others which was why they never experienced a joyous release of their consciousness but instead every time they expressed aggression, either physically through speech or deed or mentally, their aggression only strengthened their bonds to suffering that again drove them to lash out hatefully. The more they suffered, the more they lashed out negatively until the way out of their agony is no longer visible.

AGAIN, THAT AGGRESSIVE PEOPLE THROUGHOUT THE AGES NEVER ACHIEVED THIS REVOLUNTIONARY JOYOUS PERMANENT BREAKTHROUGH AND TRANSFORMATION OF THEIR CONSCIOUSNESS DESPITE BEING HABITUALLY AGGRESSIVE WHILST I ACHIEVED THIS BREAKTHROUGH THE MOMENT I BECAME AGGRESSIVE SUGGESTS THERE MAY BE SOMETHING UNIQUE IN MY PSYCHE THAT PERMITTED THAT AND THERE MAY BE A FUNDAMENTAL DIFFERENCE IN MY AGGRESSION AS COMPARED TO ALL OTHERS.

The reason I felt joy and changed permanently was because my newfound aggression was directed at countering my internal force of going against myself in me. When I was forceful or aggressive, it was not blind, lashing out force but directed force to forcefully be true according to how I know how to be true (perhaps there is no truth in others, only pretense or acted truth), force directed at being true to myself and others and unknown to me then, I was wearing down the internal force of going against myself until it disappeared and because there was no longer any negative force to oppose, I became effortlessly serene, without restlessness either at rest or in whatever I said or did.

When you are incarcerated by strong forces to go against yourself to act weak, fearful to appease others, you have to use force or aggressiveness to overcome them and because these forces are finite, once exhausted, no force is required not to go against oneself thereby I experienced an effortless calm.

AGGRESIVENESS IS NEVER JUSTIFIED AND IS ONLY AN UNAVOIDABLE EXPEDIENT THAT IS ACCOMPANIED BY JOY IN THE VIRTUOUS AS HE GRAVITATES FROM HIS STRESSFUL EXISTING STATE OF NOT LETTING HIS YES BE YES ONLY (EG STRETCHING SYLLABLES) TO EFFORTLESS FUTURE LETTING HIS YES BE YES ONLY (EG NOT STRETCHING SYLLABLES). AS SOON AS HE ATTAINS THIS NEW SINLESS STATE, NO AGGRESSION IS FURTHER REQUIRED AND HE IS EFFORTLESSLY NOT AGGRESSIVE ANYMORE. HYPOCRITES MAY PREACH TOTAL NON VIOLENCE BUT BECAUSE THEY REMAIN ACTORS, THERE MUST BE REPRESSED AGGRESSION THAT THEY STRUGGLE TO HIDE BUT MUST BE EXPRESSED SOMEHOW INDIRECTLY.

This Would Not Be Possible:
Whilst others may obfuscate or deny or rubbish that there was any significant consciousness change after 1977 or in recent years either because they are deluded, grossly unperceiving or pretentious (lying), there are irrefutable PERMANENT consciousness changes I detect in myself after 1977 and in recent years again.

(If there was a significant change and you deny, rubbish or cannot perceive it, then you are destined in your blindness to return here to suffer again; not necessarily as humans)

If I had not changed after 1977, I would not be writing this, nor will the thoughts I now convey occur in my mind because it was preoccupied by neurotic mundane thoughts. I would instead be still wracked today by insufferable stress, restlessness, conflict, insecurity and silly insoluble irrational worries about coping with meeting people.

In those days I was always tense, always or easily becoming nervous and just the anticipation of meeting others would cause great nervousness that I struggled to contain and not expose in the presence of others and haunted me afterwards. I had a debilitating phobia of greeting people (introducing myself and shaking hands and uttering niceties or formalities) and saying farewells eg saying goodbye to the host and his family after a social dinner. I would twitch and tremble almost uncontrollably on such occasions especially if I was detained by the host in prolonged goodbye chitchat and wondered why I could not be like so many others who seem so confident and not to be troubled by social banter or meeting others.

Nowadays, it is IMPOSSIBLE that I would not be able to stand my own ground in the presence of anyone because I am effortlessly being myself, would not force myself to go against myself to kowtow to smile and say silly nonsense to please others.

Although I believed so then, it was not that there was something wrong with me, I was a social misfit or schizophrenic that I found such apparently simple tasks like meeting others and social banter so nerve wracking but it is because such activities are always intrinsically seriously stressful, even mind bending to ANYONE who indulges but most others are tough enough to fake as if they enjoy what is in truth not harmless, enjoyable small talk but grave stress and sin.

The Buddha said idle chatter and telling lies lead to hell or the animal womb. The reason why I was so nervous then in those situations may be because somehow inside, I knew idle chatter is not harmless but sends one even to hell. I was only consciously forcing myself to be nice to others whereas others have graduated to automatically forced by urges to be nice, an act that will consign them to perdition they do not realize or refuse to believe. I was hesitantly, consciously forcing myself to be nice to others creating tension and nervousness that I became painfully aware and as time progressed, it increasingly undermined my social confidence. Others, even those who call themselves good had no such qualms about uttering niceties they don’t mean or forcefully believe they do mean it, just to get on in life.

Nowadays I do not fear meeting others, those situations involving greeting and bidding goodbye do not make me nervous because I am true to myself, there is no force in me to put on a show for others and when there is no show, there is no nervousness, no show that can break down. When there are no smiles, there are no smiles to break down into twitches.

BEFORE 1977 I FELT LIKE THE MAN ON DEATH ROW WAITING IN GREAT ANXIETY FOR THE HANGMAN TO COME. AFTER 1977, IT WAS LIKE I WAS NOT ONLY MIRACULOUSLY REPRIEVED BUT TRANSPORTED TO A GARDEN OF JOY I NEVER DREAMT POSSIBLE.

How many ordinary people can bring themselves to admit, let alone speak about their inadequacies and insecurities? There may be serious emotional blocks and denial that do not permit them to speak thus and they are kidding themselves if they think they are as devoted to truth as I am. What they do not realize is that this pretense may detain them in this world in the Age to come.

Addendum: Why The Change Benefited Everyone:
Because the consciousness change benefited me, it must also benefit all those who changed in some way and the fact that everyone changed swiftly (though they still acted) reflects the indisputable or undeniable advantage it conferred, otherwise why change and why change so hastily?

Even if ordinary people have never and may never exit acting, they all benefited as a result of the change in 1977 and in recent years by experiencing a reduction the intensity of their acting and a measure of sobriety. It is IMPOSSIBLE that ordinary people could attain the same release of their awareness through goodwill that I experience today because they never abandoned acting but they will ALL have experienced some amelioration from previous levels of stress.

If everyone was happy before the 1977 change, how come everyone turned nasty, were seized to snarl just on sight of me who was not provocative but quietly being my effortlessly calm, changed self in 1978? The fact that everyone, including those who acted as if they were happy and well adjusted, those who professed to be good, children and pretty girls all scowled and turned nasty indicate they were ALL (not some) not happy, only FAKING it to deceive others and when they saw a truly effortlessly happy man, they were all convulsed to tear at their own mental shackles they were previously unaware.

It is because they were in truth not happy but instead they were all faking so, acting under great tension and mental warp-ness created by their acting that the mere sight of me being effortlessly serene, worry free and quietly not putting on a show unlike them seized them with irrepressible jealousy and violence to similarly thrash the invisible mental constraints in their minds aimed at similarly liberating themselves.
I observed that despite scowling murderously, they immediately afterwards burst into delighted animated laughter and uninhibited greetings of fellow goats suggests they felt better after involuntarily displaying their scowling aggression. This indicates that this display of aggression by others on seeing me had a fundamental difference from the umpteen times they were aggressive in the past: it brought TRUE joy in their being. I saw that people were going about with ‘greater sense of purpose’, greater spontaneity after turning nasty.
This is the reason why I knew everyone was changing because in my serene unobtrusive presence, even petite girls would suddenly get uncharacteristically aggressive, their faces darkened with anger but they then suddenly burst into joyful greeting or exuberance that must indicate that the aggressiveness they displayed was attacking something in their minds that created happiness, as if a liberation of their consciousness.

HENCE I COULD REPEATEDLY SEE IN 1978 THAT DESPITE THE NASTY LOOKS OF PEOPLE EVERYWHERE AS IF THEY MIGHT ASSAULT ME FOR NO REASON, THEY AFTERWARDS BECAME EXUBERANT, UNINHIBITED AS IF A WONDERFUL CHANGE HAD COME UPON THEM INDICATED TO ME WITHOUT A DOUBT I WAS TRIGGERING A CONSCIOUSNESS CHANGE IN PEOPLE THAT BENEFITED THEM.

Therefore, the reasons why the consciousness change in 1977 benefited everyone are:
1) People do not change themselves unless change benefits them and because everyone changed swiftly by knock on effect, the incentive or benefit for change must be irresistible, like a person forced to live in a putrid lavatory given a glimpse of a world outside without foul smells previously unknown to them.
2) I experience a wonderful release from suffering as a result of the change and even though people have not exited acting like I did, they will still have experienced an appreciably amelioration of their previous suffering by turning down the volume and pace of their acting.
3) The uniformly hate filled agitated reactions I got everywhere, even by people who were supposedly good or happy when they saw me in my serene state suggests that they were held in suffering, not happy and the sight of me stirred uncontrollable violence. Nowadays I am passive, not violent. Anyone with violence in them that can be stirred cannot be truly happy but faking so. Hence the change benefited everyone.
4) There are many anecdotal stories that the rich and famous were in truth tormented to the point of suicide and subsequent to 1977 I could see through the ways people behaved prior to 1977 to see that they were all suffering, no one was genuinely happy but they were all putting on brave faces.

Why & How People Are More Explosive Today:
People nowadays are more subdued, less indiscriminately expressing themselves (eg smiles and grimaces) all the time as they were a few years ago, but nowadays people are more direct, more easily provoked and when provoked they may blow up to the point of homicide.

This is a reflection of further consciousness changes recently affecting everyone that enabled them, though still stubbornly acting, to experience less stress.

People everywhere today appear more subdued, they do not smile rabidly or talk or do things so stressfully demonstrative all the time like they did in the past, and they are more DIRECT.
It is hard to put in words, exactly what the change is but it may essentially be that people are more mindful, more circumspect, less constantly restlessly, somnolently acting, shrouded in stress that kept them ‘drugged’ but though more sober, their speech and actions are nowadays more explosive, impulsive or stabbing. Listen to people talk, even those who are supposed to be quite good and there is detectable explosiveness in their speech. Explosiveness is the unnecessary, stressful rapid acceleration and then deceleration of loudness and speed of speech that makes it harsh. In the past, people’s speech was monotonously, grindingly, INDIRECTLY harsh but today people’s speech are explosively or stabbingly of DIRECTLY harsh. This is also manifest in how people do things. If you can recollect the thunderous room shaking soundtrack that accompanies movies and TV shows, it is not so much the equipment that causes its explosiveness but the deliberately explosive, sudden changes in loudness and speed of sounds that cause it to stress the listener.

The reason why people are more explosive today may be because they now experience a lower usual level of stress but their anger or violence is still inside because they can never be good, like there is a volcano in them but it is now spewing out less, but when provoked beyond their threshold of tolerance, this volcano will explode more violently to vent unrestrained completely the considerable anger hidden inside them.

Another reason may be in the past, experiencing higher constant levels of baseline stress, they are more usually exhausted, suffering enough in their own private worlds to be explosive. It is like a man with a sack of bricks on his back, enough self troubles to look for fights unnecessarily with others. Now, it is as if they have been freed from their loads, they have more room to express their pent up violence, they are less enervated or exhausted by their previously high baseline stress to be subdued not to attack their tormentors.

With the recent changes in their consciousness, people may see clearly others are provoking them and are less likely to blame themselves wrongly for provocations that issue from others and feeling aggrieved they therefore retaliate violently.

For instance, recently a motorist who was at fault ran over a female motorist who was making a call summoning relatives. In the past, he may have been restrained by inhibitions and stress, he may not perceive her behavior as provocative but nowadays, he can see she is trying to intimidate him by making a phone call in his full view and so enraged, he may have initially have intended to drive off in a manner as if to knock her down but during the act, his rage so consumed him he ran her over instead of just missing her.
EVERYONE HAS CHANGED TODAY AS COMPARED TO A FEW YEARS AGO AND THE FOOL MAY THINK HE IS HEADING FOR HEAVEN. SO LONG AS ONE CONTINUES TO ACT (SMILE, STRETCH SYLLABLES), SO LONG WILL ONE HARBOR VIOLENCE THAT CAN ONLY BE CONTROLLED. IF IT IS SO SIMPLE TO STOP ACTING, HOW COME A LOT OF PEOPLE DON’T EVEN REALIZE THEY STRETCH THEIR SYLLABLES ALL THE TIME, LET ALON STOPPING IT. ANYONE WHO ACTS HARBORS VIOLENCE AND NO MATTER HOW HE STRIVES TO CONTROL IT, IT IS LIKE A VIPER INSIDE THAT WILL ONE DAY FATALLY BITE HIMSELF OR OTHERS, HE MAY BE A FOOL TO THINK HE IS GOING TO HEAVEN BUT HE MAY BE GOING TO ETERNAL PUNISHMENT.
Why I Am Also The Trigger Of Recent Changes:
There have been further, unmistakable consciousness changes in EVERYONE over the past few years even though they still act. It did not strike me immediately but I arrived at this conclusion gradually long after everyone again began when it became increasingly obvious to me that in tandem with permanent positive changes I felt in me, people’s appearances and behavior everywhere too were also changing positively.

Again, I may be or am the trigger behind this. Why is that?

Firstly, there have been further unmistakable changes in myself over the past years (about 1997 onwards) as a result of my improving perception of how the considerable stress I experienced daily is related to my own & others’ behavior impacting on me and how these behaviors were not natural but exaggerated and faked. I began to see that people were acting, not being themselves, they were nice, not good and how niceness was sugar laced poison. I gradually refined and defined for myself and those who received my E Mails what acting is and how people acted until finally I could see that not just some people were acting but everyone was acting, not for some of the time but all the time and how acting was ALWAYS driven by emotions and stress to forcefully go against oneself to exaggerate and fake whatever and how one says, does, thinks and perceives in manner that has to be forcefully controlled (in order not to kill oneself immediately) creating insoluble stress, restlessness, violent urges and depression in the name of deceiving, pleasing, impressing, intimidating and dominating others. As a result of my insights which I mindfully and persistently put into clearly comprehending practice I gradually stopped acting to experience a drastic reduction in intrinsic stress, restlessness, doubt and uncertainty, mad and violent impulses and depression. These changes in me is visible to those who interact with me and must have rubbed off partially on them and it also must have influenced those who read my innumerable E Mails.

It did not occur to me immediately but it gradually dawned on me with increasing certainty after repeated verifications that visible by their appearances and behavior, everyone (not just some) was again changing just as they did after 1977, not just locally but globally, even though they still continue to act. (I berated my brother for acting but gradually I could see that though he was still acting, there were perceptibly changes in his appearance and behavior)

Those who have read what I wrote over the years may acknowledge that they have changed as a result of reading what I wrote. In that case, I am DIRECTLY responsible for causing their change. The changes that are evident to themselves will also be reflected in their appearances and how they comport themselves to those who interact with them and therefore influence them indirectly.

Hence, even though the vast majority of people have not seen me, have not read what I have said, by contagion effect as after 1977, they have all been transformed permanently to become more subdued, more direct today, even though they still act and may have no clue why they are changing because they are changing because everyone around has changed in a way that would be clearly advantageous to them, so they too changed themselves hastily.

Hence, today as in 1977 I was the trigger of changes that have spread around the world because I changed myself unmistakably first, I then influenced others by what I wrote about acting and many other things and by knock on or contagion effect of people changed by me changing others.

Jesus: "You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hid. Nor do men light a lamp and put it under a bushel, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.

There may be those who accuse me of conceit and self exaltation dwelling on such matters but if it is said matter of fact without emotion or pride and true, it is not boasting but because the reader is himself a show off, he projects his tendencies on me. If what I have done is like a lamp that illuminates the darkness for others, surely I do not hide the lamp under a bushel but I put it on a stand where all may see and benefit.

Jesus: "Think not that I have come to abolish the law and the prophets; I have come not to abolish them but to fulfill them (as proof that the law & the prophets are correct). For truly, I say to you, till heaven and earth pass away, not an iota, not a dot, will pass from the law (dharma according to the Buddha) until all is accomplished (so long as there is existence, heaven and earth, the law shall prevail in its entirety without compromise). Whoever then relaxes one of the least of these commandments and teaches men so, shall be called least in the kingdom of heaven; but he who does them and teaches them shall be called great in the kingdom of heaven. For I tell you, unless your righteousness exceeds that of the scribes and Pharisees (the present day scribes is by & large the church establishment, hence do not accept what scribes say uncritically, you’ve heard of abuses by priests and see that church services are inflexible, ritualistic & encourages others to be ritualistic, a lower fetter to states of woe, the Buddha said. Do not be in awe of what priests tell you but rather examine and decide for yourself what is good), you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.

"You have heard that it was said to the men of old, 'You shall not kill; and whoever kills shall be liable to judgment.' But I say to you that every one who is angry with his brother shall be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother shall be liable to the council, and whoever says, 'You fool!' shall be liable to the hell of fire (The Buddha said anger and harsh speech leads to hell or the animal womb). So if you are offering your gift at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. 25* Make friends quickly with your accuser, while you are going with him to court, lest your accuser hand you over to the judge, and the judge to the guard, and you be put in prison; 26 truly, I say to you, you will never get out till you have paid the last penny.

Dazes, Forceful & Effortless Concentration:

Dazes are always acted states of the mind and like acting, can be initially consciously intended eg to impress fans above progressing to involuntarily intended to finally, the fool does not realize become madly unintended.
When he first started, he probably learned to puff himself up after scoring a goal in an act intended to incite fans to get carried away to celebrate and emotionally worship him. Because such emotional celebration creates stress and restlessness in fans, he is creating karma for himself. He is now probably no longer forcing himself to but forced by strong habit and emotion to repeat his antics every time he scores.

The emotions of the occasion and forcing may be quite intense such that he is lapsing into an intense daze that he must and can still extricate himself to return to reality and rejoin the match. What he does not realize is that by frequently repeating this after he scores goals, he is making it easier for him to lapse into dazes that will become more intense, prolonged and difficult to pull himself out. When he is old or hit by a crisis (loss of all his money) he may fall into a daze he will never recover like patients in mental hospitals who can stand still and stare for hours.

Many people intentionally put themselves into (forceful) dazes for selfish purposes not realizing that dazes are addictive and will become more intense, frequent and harder to exit. When they get old they may lapse into frequent prolonged dazes or when there is an overwhelming emotional event, eg bereavement, they may lapse into a daze that will be hard for them to pull themselves out. You probably have seen actors who are stunned at the death of their loved ones. Such states are never pleasurable but painful and due to foolish cultivation by deceitful people.

As the Buddha said, the ordinary person has suffering as vast as an ocean due to him. They are constantly creating by their actions tormenting mental states that will haunt them in the future.

IF YOU ARE ACTOR, YOU WILL CATCH YOURSELF FALLING INTO PRIVATE DAZES ENTERTAINING FANTASIES AND IF YOU ARE WISE, YOU WILL STOP YOUR INDULGENCE AND QUICKLY EXTRICATE YOURSELF TO RETURN TO REALITY BECAUSE SUCH DAZES ARE REINFORCING AND WILL SEIZE YOU MOURNFULLY LATER WHEN IN OLD AGE OR STRICKEN BY A SITUATION CRISIS EG YOUR SON IS KILLED, YOU WILL BE SEIZED BY GRIEF YOU CANNOT EXIT.

If you were to smile and keep smiling or laugh & keep laughing, you may notice yourself lapsing into an unseeing or groggy daze. Many people get so absorbed (in a daze) watching a movie or sports program they lose touch with reality, what someone is saying to them. Nick Faldo, former world golf number one so annoyed his now divorced wife by lapsing into dazes in their sitting room, she said she had to throw a shoe at him to get his attention.

Many actors not only fall into a daze, they have become good at falling into a daze at will and they prolong their dazes not realizing that they are setting a trap for themselves that they may never exit in the future.
When your concentration is forceful, it is stressful acted concentration for selfish purposes, eg golfer’s concentration to beat opponents. Noble concentration is effortless, settles in passively like a glass of turbid water becomes clear on standing.

Correct meditation is not a daze because it is not forceful but passive and the meditator is at least initially in touch with his environment and imbued with a calm clarity freed of any restlessness. If this is a daze, then as Bush would say, “Bring it on” because it is wonderful to be able to sit still in permanent effortless clearly thinking bliss.