What Happened & Why:

What Happened & Why:
Preface:
“The difference between me and others is that I have exited acting three times by myself whilst almost three decades later, others have not only NOT exited acting, they have NOT exited acting EVEN after they have been told in no uncertain terms what is meant by acting, even when they profess to be good and discerning.

Barely a year after I changed in 1978 I exited acting spontaneously (without knowing so then) to become ‘totally relaxed or incapable of suffering’ but under extreme duress everywhere, I gradually reverted to acting but in a world that has changed, only to again exit acting spontaneously briefly in 1986 and now in recent years I again gradually exited acting by working out by myself the nature of my daily stresses which inevitably meant working out precisely the nature of acting, to ensure that now finally understanding fully why, I will never revert back to acting.

In contrast, others even though they too changed, never exited acting by themselves in almost three decades that followed and even today, after much tutelage many who call themselves good and discerning still stubbornly manifest acting despite acting being stressful, mind warping and sinful. If actors are so good and discerning (as they delude themselves), how come they cannot see (even after being pointed out in no uncertain terms) that whatever they do or say, however they do or say is forced, not natural, stresses themselves and others, is exaggerated or faked, never letting their yes be yes only?

I am not jumping to conclusions and being unkind to others to exalt myself as unique because in the aftermath in 1978 I had underestimated the recalcitrance of ordinary people to foolishly believe then that everyone will drop out soon to become totally relaxed just like I did. This indicates I am not uncharitable or conceited, setting myself to be superior. That never eventuated nor in retrospect, was there any danger it would or any possibility it could. Notwithstanding, what I say that people everywhere have never exited acting is unemotional, clearly thinking and after exhaustive discerning observations.

The reason cannot be arbitrary but there may be or is a fundamental difference in my nature compared with the rest and suggests that given the chance ordinary people are unlikely to initiate this consciousness change and thereafter spontaneously exit tormenting acting.

That fundamental difference is that I have an implacable aversion for suffering (which is NEVER blameless as people still delude themselves but suffering ALWAYS stems from self sin & falsity and acting is an entire way of conduct of being TOTALLY IMMERSED in mutually reinforcing falsity and thence suffering) and allied to my disccernment, an uncommon ability to differentiate what is truly true from what is false but clothed as truth, it is unsurprising but inevitable that given the chance or a glimpse of an exit from suffering I never dreamt possible, I was never going to let it out of sight but I seized it to spontaneously exit false and suffering acting, not once but three times.
That the mass of ordinary people around (I foolishly expected in 1978 that they would drop out of acting to become totally calm just as I did in 1978) never exited acting even almost 3 decades after 1977 suggests they are not as truthful or good as they pretend to themselves and others to be; if they indeed are truthful and good, they would have discovered spontaneously by themselves what & how they say or do things ALL THE TIME is exaggerated and faked and how it is sinful and stressful.

When I changed, I directed my newfound forcefulness to eliminating the force of going against self until it was finally erased, causing me to become ‘totally calm’ but subsequent overwhelming duress from others reverted me back to shallow acting.

When others were forced to change by circumstances, they directed their newfound forcefulness to merely sharpen or make more direct their existing force of going against self together with their force of self preservation (both were strengthened) which is why they never exited acting to become ‘incapable of suffering’ and were never in danger of doing so” because they lack insight, were indifferent to suffering in themselves and others and harbored unresolvable ill will that they cannot confront but they disguised so well as acted goodness that they will not relinquish but instead emotionally, forcefully believe is beneficial for themselves and others.

WHAT ORDINARY PEOPLE STUBBORNLY INSIST IS “LOVE” OR ‘GOODNESS’ IS ALWAYS IN TRUTH FORCING THEMSELVES TO BE NICE TO EACH OTHER.

NICENESS IS NEVER GOODNESS OR LOVE BUT IT IS ALWAYS SUGAR LACED POISON FOR BOTH GIVER AND RECEIVER, DETAINS BOTH IN DECEIT & HARM CLOAKED AS TRUTH & GOOD. THIS IS A UNIVERSAL LAW AND WHOEVER IS UNKNOWINGLY NICE MUST SUFFER EVEN ENDLESSLY UNTIL HE WAKES UP FROM HIS DECEIT AND SELF & OTHER HARM.

WHAT ORDINARY PEOPLE WANT IS TO BE EMOTIONALLY, FORCEFULLY NICE TO OTHERS AND WHAT THEY WANT AND EXPECT IS THAT OTHERS BE EMOTIONALLY AND FORCEFULLY NICE TO THEM.

NICENESS, LIKE SEX, MAY BE IRRESISTIBLE AND ALLURING FOR AWHILE BUT IT IS ALWAYS UNDERTAKEN WITH EFFORT & STRESS AND AFTER HAVING BEEN NICE, YOU WILL GET SICK WITH YOURSELF, YOU MUST GET SICK WITH THE PERSON YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SO FALSELY, EVEN INTIMATELY NICE TO, WHICH YOU THEN CANNOT ACCEPT OR EXPRESS AND YOU MUST THEN TRY TO HIDE YOUR SICKNESS FROM HIM AND YOURSELF (DENY), REINFORCING A MINDSET OF PRETENSE AND PERPETUATING FUTURE NICENESS UNTIL IN OLD AGE, YOUR MIND SHATTERED, YOU BECOME TRULY MAD.

THERE IS AN ALTERNATIVE TO NICENESS CALLED BEING TRUE TO ONESELF AND OTHERS. IT IS EFFORTLESS, NEVER FORCED, NOT SMILING, NOT STRETCHING SYLLABLES, NOT EXAGGERATING OR FAKING TO PLEASE OR IMPRESS OTHERS, NOT INTIMIDATING OR DOMINATING OTHERS, SHEDDING ALL EMOTIONS (LUST, FEAR, GREED, AGGRESSION, PRIDE) TO ONLY LET YOUR YES BE YES PASSIVELY FEEL.
***
As clear as day is distinguishable from night, I am (in my unemotional, impartial perception) today an unmistakably very different, permanently changed person compared to who I was prior to 1977 in terms of being now effortlessly free from stress, restlessness, conflict, silly thoughts, violent impulses and vulnerability to depression together with a concomitant reduction of defilements (lust, greed, anger, ill will, pride, jealousy, envy, presumption).

As clear as day is distinguishable from night, I detected after repeated objective observations that everyone in the world, including animals too have changed in appearance and behavior in the aftermath of the (momentous) conscious change in 1977 and even today, their appearances and behavior indicate ongoing change of an out of the ordinary behavioral and consciousness kind.

The person I am today, the effortless, permanent release from mental suffering that I now experience is unthinkable in the consciousness circumstances before 1977 and my present effortlessly woe free state is not achievable however one might try without there having occurred a revolutionary consciousness change. It was as if there was a quantum jump in the consciousness to a different level hitherto unknown to beings before 1977.

Immediately after I had established with confidence that I was not kidding myself but I had truly changed in 1977, I said to myself joyously without conceit that what I had just done or discovered or stumbled upon was unique, marvelous, how come nobody has discovered it before, is there a scientific basis for it? In my enthusiasm, I tried to encourage others to similarly change, not realizing then it was unnecessary because everyone would change as a matter of course later (although they still stubbornly continued to act even till this day, even despite non acting being bliss and acting being stress).

Barely a year after I changed in 1977 it was as if a bottom fell out of me or a ripening fruit finally fell when I became involuntarily calm without effort as if incapable of suffering. It was as if I had woken from a dream, things that I previously held as dear no longer applied, emotions that were previously intense became deflated and I now did or said things effortlessly as if walking on air, I could not believe anymore in the things people around me still believed as if asleep and I was now awake but at the same time life became very difficult because people appeared to find it difficult, even violently agitating to relate to me. I had wondered then why this had to cruelly happen to me like receiving a poisoned chalice; here I was effortlessly serene not worrying without having to force myself like before but engendering disruptive reactions everywhere I went which did not seem to happen to anyone else. How am I going to conduct my daily life in such a difficult circumstance beyond my control where I was effortlessly calm but it made me a pariah. What is the difference in me, why couldn’t I be ANONYMOUS like others or be accepted by others in my changed state?

A similar recurrence in milder form happened in 1986 when I again became involuntarily relaxed and it again made life relating to others difficult or surreal. I again wondered why I couldn’t be like others, anonymous. Why did these involuntary stress-free states that though pleasant made life surreal keep arising in me, ostracizing me? What is the difference in me that such relaxed states kept recurring in me whilst it seemed others are getting on with their lives uneventfully? Why can’t I be like the rest?

(In retrospect, though I did not recognize it then, during those two episodes of ‘total incapacity to suffer’ I had spontaneously exited acting to become effortlessly not acting but under overwhelming intimidatory, rejecting reactions all around, I gradually reverted to acting until finally a few years ago I again graudally extricated myself from stress to exit acting, this time armed with insight and more congenial conditions because people everywhere are also changing in tandem again now.)

How Come & The Reasons Why:
The reason why barely a year after I changed in 1977, I became effortlessly relaxed as if incapable of suffering, previously strong emotions became deflated and I could no longer subscribe to the values I previously shared with others may have been because after the initial change I was constantly applying force to neutralize the force of going against myself inside me and unknown to me this stressful force of going against myself was being slowly erased and finally died to leave me with effortless, forceless not going against myself or being myself and this state was reflected in my serene appearance without restlessness, how I conducted myself and spoke as if without effort.

Because people then had never seen such a person and in truth everyone was held in considerable pent up suffering, the sight of me and my effortless conduct seized people viscerally to react violently, in the process attacking their mental shackles to liberate themselves.

The reason why after decades, as far as I can ascertain, nobody else experienced that similar involuntary effortless incapacity to suffer that I had experienced twice may be due to a fundamental difference in my nature. Although everyone broke their shackles in their minds, other people’s shackles restrained their entrenched ill will and pretense whilst mine in truth restrained goodwill and truthfulness. Hence when ordinary people broke their shackles they only gave more direct expression to their previously restrained aggressive and pretentious impulses and they therefore never went on to experience finally a similar effortless inability to suffer as I did which may have been a spontaneous cessation of acting.

Put in another way, when others changed, they never directed their new found mental forcefulness at their internal force of going themselves but instead when they removed their own shackles, this force of going against themselves to act became more direct and incisive together with a similarly more direct and incisive force of restraint. If they had directed their newfound forcefulness to destroy their force of going against themselves (as I did) they would have ceased acting and thus become effortlessly calm. That they all still act decades later indicates this is the case. If this is the case, it suggests that it may be impossible for ordinary people to initiate the consciousness change if they were given the chance because they are quite happy to continue suffering by acting even when their shackles are removed. The reason why I attacked the shackles was because I did not want to suffer anymore, I did not want to go against myself anymore. When ordinary people saw the effortless calm in me, they were seized to attack shackles but not to stop themselves going against themselves but to intensify their acting.

You could say I was an amateur, suffering actor who was always on the lookout for an escape from this horrific prison of acting and when given the first opportubity to escape I went directly for the door whilst ordinary people much as they protested their wholesomeness, were professional, even hardcore actors who although suffering serious mind warping agonies from their acting, could never give up their manipulative acting and when a door was opened for them where none existed before, they were quite happy and foolish to still hang around detained by sensual allures. This theory that people are recalcitrant actors is supported by the fact that even today, even after I have demonstrated to them how people act, those who call themselves good, those who are quite intelligent appear quite clueless for they continue to act even when not acting is bliss.

Hence when I attacked the shackles in my mind, I was slowly releasing the repressed goodwill and truthfulness in me, which was why barely a year later I became effortlessly incapable of suffering as the forces that restrained my goodwill and truthfulness finally gave in. When others were provoked to change by the changes they saw or sensed around them, they attacked shackles that restrained a recalcitrant urge to fake and manipulate others, allowing them to become more directly tough and manipulative.
The Requisite Right Resolve:
Right Resolve is one of the eight factors of the Noble Eightfold Path and once you have made the right resolve, you must carry it out mindfully (right mindfulness or attention, another factor) by right conduct & right speech.

I still recall the resolves I made as a troubled person under provocation in 1977 that irreversibly set in motion the consciousness changes that followed.

My original resolves: A determination never again to be pushed around to behave in a weak and dishonest manner to please or placate others but instead I shall thenceforth be myself, love myself, refuse to suffer, I will stand no nonsense from others, whoever they are, I will decide what is right and true for myself, I shall thenceforth be true to myself and others. I felt that people everywhere were putting on a show, dishonest but I will not follow suit.

Is any ordinary person capable of truly, not hypocritically or lip service making the above resolves that may be essential prerequisites for initiating that consciousness change? Ordinary people, no matter how wholesome they want to believe themselves to be, being tough and stubborn are only too willing to play along to please or impress others, to chin up and soak up nonsense from others (or pretend as realistically as possible they really do appreciate) whilst they themselves slyly worked undercover to manipulate others to get what they want.

Apparent Not Real Independence:
I wondered many times if there could be a scientific explanation (eg a physiological basis or evolutionary process) for this consciousness change I had undergone that was distinct and unimaginable by me before. How did I ever stumble on it, why me? What happened?

Even the most virulent infections do not spread to affect everyone so swiftly but pandemics of flu flare up to then wane without affecting everyone. That this change should later spread rapidly to compulsorily affect everyone suggests that it was no ordinary physical or scientific event but a miraculous or extraordinary event. Why should something physiological or even a circuit change happening to my brain similarly affect everyone’s brains to follow suit merely on sight of me? No scientific theory can satisfactorily explain this consciousness change and this change therefore suggests that this world is not a scientific stand-alone world where its beings are truly independent of each other but their independence is more apparent than real, all beings are in truth linked consciously to each other like a complex equation. Just as what anyone does impact on others and if you stress others, you also stress yourself (it is impossible to hurt others without hurting yourself, no murderer is filled with undiluted joy after his deed), in the same way reflecting that we may be the infinite points of consciousness that are ultimately linked to each other, like being one facet of an infinite number of facets of a single common super diamond, hence when one person changes his consciousness status, all others like secretly subconsciously linked dominos are forced to follow suit.

Why The Consciousness Change Is Significant:
Human life throughout the ages was in truth an unending suffering where nobody was truly happy but they were all wickedly faking it leading each other on. Everyone was acting, forced by mental shackles to act, putting up with each other and never being themselves. This consciousness change that nobody could imagine in their wildest dreams to exist allowed a significant reduction of the stress and torment to all beings and that I subsequently develop an effortless incapacity to experience suffering, an effortless incapacity to worry without having to force myself not to worry, indicates that this unique change I had stumbled upon is wholesome and beneficent and lent proof that what the Buddha and Jesus said that a heavenly state does exist that is effortlessly free from all forms of suffering, hunger, disease and death. Suffering is not the natural accompaniment of existence but suffering is the natural accompaniment of sin and falsity. This change that led to a wonderful effortless peace in me is an indication that it is possible to exist in unalloyed bliss and what the Buddha and Jesus said is true.

Hell is said to be unimaginable everlasting suffering and heaven everlasting bliss and freedom from suffering that must be effortless, not needing effort, otherwise it would not be unalloyed bliss. The core of the Buddha’s teachings, as he himself said, was stress and the total ending of stress (heaven is infinitely better than human existence but enlightenment is even better than heaven, even better than existing blissfully as brahmas, according to the Buddha), indicating that it is possible to make a permanent end to stress and stress is not inevitable, not something that had to be contended with always but stress is always blameworthy, due to sin. Hence, the fact that this consciousness change alleviated the suffering of all, depending on how they continued to abuse themselves and in one case (me), it led to the effortless incapacity to suffer for awhile suggests that this change is significant, wholesome, in the direction of heaven, not hell which is increasing suffering. Is it a mere coincidence that the person who triggered this benevolent change is also intelligent and honorable, not evil man?


Why I regained the capacity to mentally suffer:
I have wondered what happened when I became ‘totally calm’ and ‘incapable of suffering’ in 1978 (with a lesser recurrence years later and probably minor threatened ones subsequently) and how it was that I subsequently was able to resume experiencing stress ‘like everyone else’. It was a tumultuous time then because of the topsy-turvy barrage I was subjected to. What may have happened was a novel state in which I became effortlessly incapable of stressing myself, became effortlessly incapable of inducing sadness and anxiety in myself but I was still receptive to some degree to exogenous stress.

Like a capacitor storing charge, the lifelong internally stored charge or internally generated virtual capacity for stress or self harm in me independent of external input was being slowly discharged like a tap that has now been turned open after I initiated the irrevocable mental change. When the stored charges were finally exhausted, I experienced a novel effortlessly ‘charge free’ or stress-free state. Where previously I had to constantly exert myself to force back dark internal forces suppressing me, now these forces finally gave way and I was left unfettered, not needing to fight anymore to assert my not going against self, hence this wonderful ‘incapable of suffering’ state.

I sensed this change in me clearly, unmistakably, it was something I had never experienced before or thought possible that anyone can be so effortlessly relaxed without a worry, incapable of worrying without having to force myself (as in the past) not to worry and I knew I could not hide this state from view because it was reflected in my appearance and how I conducted myself. It occurred to me to wonder how I would be accepted by others in my clearly changed state but I was powerless to alter my state. It was this clearly visible state of my being that people could perceive and had never seen before that provoked them to become flustered, startled, filled with hate or display violent reactions not unlike someone who had seen a ghost. In so doing, I suspected that they were all individually seized compulsively to violently attack their own repressive mental shackles, like chicks breaking surrounding shells they previously confined themselves to but now that they have seen someone break through, they could not restrain themselves from also breaking free.

The reason why subsequently I recovered my capacity to experience stress and thence sadness may be the result of conditioning. Just as parents may initially force a child to stress itself to greet others and it will subsequently internalize the punitive force previously applied to it to stressfully greet others without being told to; similarly as a result of the constant stress inducing, self doubting and forceful nasty reactions from others that I experienced, I gradually regained the capacity to force myself to suffer, to therefore feel stress and conflict.

But my capacity to feel stress or stress myself after I changed was nevertheless in all likelihood shallow (and qualitatively different from pre 1977) in comparison with ordinary people and therefore quite easily reversed and this may explain why years later I experienced another milder involuntary state of being again effortlessly unable to suffer that because of changed consciousness state experienced by everyone already in place, triggered less disrupting reactions.
Further, the stress that I experienced after I regained the capacity to experience stress may be qualitatively different, more immediate, direct and sharper than in the days before 1977.

LOOKING BACK AT THE TUMULTUOUS TIMES IN 1978 (AND ANOTHER LESSER PERIOD IN 19865), IN ALL LIKELIHOOD, I HAD INDEED INVOLUNTARILY ENTERED A STATE OF MIND & BODY LIKE A TRANCE WHEN I WAS THEN TRULY WONDERFULLY, EFFORTLESSLY TOTALLY CALM & CLEAR, INCAPABLE OF OR IMMUNE TO SUFFERING OR WORRYING EITHER INTERNALLY GENERATED BY SELF OR EXTERNAL INTENSE AGGRESSIVE PROVOCATION BUT SUBSEQUENTLY OVER TIME, I GRADUALLY DEVELOPED A CAPACITY TO EXPERIENCE STRESS AGAIN THAT BECAME QUITE STRONG & PERVASIVE THAT MEMORIES OF THOSE EFFORTLESSLY RELAXED TIMES FADED AND I WAS NOT TOO KEEN TO REVISIT BECAUSE IT MADE LIFE DIFFICULTY CARRYING ON RELATING WITH OTHERS IN THIS WORLD. JUST AS PROFESSIONAL TENNIS PLAYERS FORGET THERE WAS A TIME WHEN THEY WERE HESITANT NOVICES, AS MY CAPACITY TO EXPERIENCE STRESS STRENGTHENED AND BECAME PERVASIVE BECAUSE OF GRADUAL CONDITIONING FROM CEASELESS INTIMIDATION BY OTHERS, I FORGOT THERE WAS A TIME I WAS MIRACULOUSLY IMMUNE TO STRESS, I COULD NOT BE STRESSED (AND THIS MAY BE A FORETASTE OF WHAT LIFE CAN BE WONDERFULLY LIKE IN HEAVEN).

THE REASON WHY I SHOULD EXPERIENCE THIS STATE OF IMMUNITY TO SUFFERING WAS BECAUSE AFTER THE INITIAL CONSCIOUSNESS CHANGE, I WAS, UNKNOWN TO ME THEN, CONSTANTLY FORCEFULLY ERASING THE FORCE OF FORCEFULLY AGAINST MYSELF IN MY MIND AND BECAUSE THIS FORCE IS FINITE (NOTHING IS FOREVER, NOBODY IS IN HELL FOREVER EVEN IF IT LASTS HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF YEARS) , A TIME ARRIVED LATER WHEN THIS MENTAL FORCE FINALLY COLLAPSED AND I ENDED UP WITH UNOPPOSED EFFORTLESSLY RELAXED NOT GOING AGAINST SELF, A STATE THAT THOUGH IT PROVOKED VIOLENT, EVEN LIFE THREATENING REACTIONS FROM MANY AROUND EVERYWHERE I WENT, I WAS HELPLESS TO EXIT BECAUSE NOBODY IN HIS RIGHT MIND WOULD EAGERLY ABANDON TRUE HAPPINESS TO ENTER SUFFERING BUT HE HAS TO BE RELUCTANTLY CAJOLED OR INTIMIDATED TO LEARN TO GO AGAINST HIMSELF AGAINST SELF RESISTANCE BY OTHERS, TO SAY GOODBYE TO NON SUFFERING AND ENTER SUFFERING PROGRESSIVELY OVER A PERIOD OF TIME.

AS A RESULT OF CONSTANT INTIMIDATION BY OTHERS AND IN ORDER TO FURTHER MY CAREER AND GET ON WITH LIFE, I PROBABLY WITHOUT INSIGHT THEN IMPERCEPTIBLY, GRADUALLY RESUMED AMATEUR ACTING BY APPLYING INITIALLY SLIGHTLY GREATER FORCE THAN IS NECESSARY TO GO AGAINST MYSELF TO EXAGGERATE AND FAKE LIKE THE REST THEREBY INDUCING STRESS AND EMOTIONS (SHAME THENCE PRIDE, STUBBORNNESS, ANGER, HATE OF SELF AND OTHERS) AND IT IS IN THE NATURE OF THINGS THAT STRESS AND EMOTIONS KEEPS THE MIND DISTRACTED & SCATTERED, A STATE CONDUCIVE TO FURTHER AND ESCALATION ACTING IN CYCLES OF POSITIVE FEEDBACK UNTIL THE PERSON HAS FORGOTTEN THERE WAS A TIME HE DIDN’T ACT, HE WASN’T STRESSED AT ALL. HE COMES TO ACCEPT STRESS AS NATURAL AND BLAMELESS.

THE REASON WHY IN 1986 I REVISITED IN MILDER FORM THAT SAME STATE OF BEING TOTALLY RELAXED BUT DISRUPTING MY LIFE WAS THAT UNLIKE OTHERS, I HAD TASTED BLISS AND MY ACTING WAS SHALLOW, FORCED ON ME AND MY SPIRIT WAS NEVER COMPLETELY BROKEN BUT EVEN AS I LEARNT TO GO AGAINST MYSELF RELUCTANTLY, I WAS OPPOSING IT QUITE VOCIFEROUSLY AND INEVITABLY MY FORCE OF NOT GOING AGAINST SELF REASSERTED ITSELF TO AGAIN EXPEL THE FORCE OF GOING AGAINST SELF AND I WAS AGAIN LEFT WITH A STATE OF UNOPPOSED NOT GOING AGAINST SELF. THE REACTION AROUND THEN WAS LESS DRAMATIC BECAUSE THE WORLD HAD THEN CHANGED ALREADY.

IN THOSE DAYS, I LACKED INSIGHT PRECISELY WHY THESE WONDERFULLY RELAXED BUT DISRUPTIVE STATES KEPT OCCURING IN ME AND NOT IN ANYBODY ELSE, WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE, WHY CAN’T I BE LIKE THE REST AND ‘SUFFER QUIETLY’? NOW, HAVING DISCERNED COMPLETELY INTO THE NATURE OF ACTING AND HOW IT AFFLICTS NOT JUST SOME BUT ALL BEINGS IN THIS WORLD, I UNDERSTAND THE CHANGES THAT HAPPENED TO ME THEN, WHY I BECAME ‘COMPLETELY CALMED’, REGAINED MY CAPACITY TO EXPERIENCE STRESS, LAPSED INTO CALMNESS AGAIN, WHY PEOPLE REACTED VIOLENTLY THEN AND HOW EVEN TODAY, I CAN SENSE FROM THE REACTION OF SOME TO MY PRESENCE THAT THOUGH THEY MAY NOT KNOW EXACTLY WHAT, THEY SENSE A DIFFERENCE IN ME THAT OFTEN PROVOKED AVERSION OR UNEASINESS THAT THEY TRY TO HIDE, EVEN VIOLENT SPITEFULNESS. EVEN STEEPED IN THEIR OPAQUE DELUSIONS & MURKY VISIONS THEY CAN SENSE SOMEONE WHO APPEARS AND BEHAVES DIAMETRICALLY OPPOSITE THEIR PRETENTIOUS CREDO & THAT INVOLUNTARILY STIRs THEIR VISCERAL REVULSION.

(SUCH STATES OF BEING EFFORTLESSLY RELAXED NEVER BEFELL OTHERS EVEN AFTER DECADES LATER, AS FAR AS I CAN TELL, PROBABLY BECAUSE MUCH AS ORDINARY PEOPLE MIGHT LIKE TO PROTEST INDIGNANTLY, THEIR INTRINSIC NATURES {I HAVE AMPLE EVIDENCE OF THIS BECAUSE TILL THIS DAY ORDINARY PEOPLE, INCLUDING THOSE WHO THINK THEY ARE GOOD ALL CONTINUE TO STRESSFULLY ACT, EVEN AFTER THEY HAVE BEEN TOLD} IS TO BE TOUGH, UNYIELDING, EMOTIONAL, THEY HARBOR IMPLACABLE ILL WILL THAT THEY OFTEN DISGUISE AS ACTED PRETENTIOUS EXAGGERATED GOODWILL, THEY ARE INCORRIGIBLY GIVEN TO MISCHIEF AND THEY CAN NEVER BE TRUE TO THEMSELVES AND THEREFORE OTHERS AND THEREFORE, THOUGH CONSCIOUSNESS CONSTRAINTS WERE SIMILARLY LIFTED FROM THEM, THEY WERE HELLBENT TO CONTINUE THEIR MISCHIEF THAT IS INIMICAL TO BECOMING EFFORTLESSLY RELAXED)

Piecing It All Together:
In those days when I first experienced this consciousness change, I knew I had changed in an unmistakable, revolutionary and wonderful way, I could see everybody too were changing and I knew I was responsible for this change although nobody, including scientists who imply they can detect infinitesimally minute changes in whatever they studied and whose job is to be discerning and examine all phenomena, seem totally unaware of or dumbstruct about this unmistakable consciousness change that surely they (and everyone) felt occur in them but for some reason (like ostriches sticking their heads in the sand) they appeared not inquisitive or not keen to discuss with each other what is going on. How come scientists or religious people never confront each other, “I sense this wonderful consciousness change in me making me more direct and assertive, do you similarly experience this change? What is going on?” It is perhaps a reflection or indictment of the uniform intense pretense of humanity that they have all been dumbstruck, at loss of how to articulate or confront each other over this change, preferring to ignore it whilst they wax eloquent about technology and hypertechnology.

But I lacked insight then to piece together exactly what happened and what it all meant as I now do. I did not or could not then see others acting, how they acted and how acting was linked to unnecessary stress, and sinful as I now do.

In the subsequent decades that followed, as result of the visual and aural assaults I was subjected to and reflecting the nature of stress that it can be induced in anyone even if he started off with a clean sheet or slate, and whatever that can be induced in a person can gain strength or intensity the more he experienced it, I gradually developed a substantial capacity to experience or become stressed leading in due course to restlessness, conflict, harboring mad, silly or violent thoughts and becoming depressed occasionally (though never as severe as in those days before 1977). Although life was unsatisfactory and I felt harassed, ‘hot under the collar’ from demands of my job and lifestyle and needed daily almost obsessive visits to hit tennis or golf balls to ‘let off steam’ after which I felt a bit better for awhile before the shroud of stress and restlessness would creep back in as I returned to the grind of making a living.

I was never a good smiler. I was always nervous, even painfully so in the presence of people I was unfamiliar with, especially those authoritarian and intimidating types. I found it a great difficulty to graciously say goodbye to others when departing whereas I saw so many people able to slickly say their farewells with aplomb. In the days before 1977, I always struggled to smile, only managed brief wry smiles that often provoked disconcerting twitches to please others and even after I changed to become assertive, I was never a notable smiler, having been told by girls at places I worked as locum that ‘this doctor seldom smiled’.
Hence when I became quite stressed out (perhaps still much less stressed compared to goats) and disenchanted and in the age of the internet, guided as if by an unseen force, I downloaded the entire Buddhist Pali Canon that was free online and began to read with a critical eye whether the Buddha was genuine or a fake. I had previously be drawn to Buddhism because of my troubles getting on with others pre 1977 but abandoned religion after I changed because I felt they did not help me. Actually the Buddhism I was exposed to in those days were an very different brand and seriously corrupted form of Buddhism as compared to the Pali Canon which is said to be a faithful transmission of what the Buddha said. It is debatable if my outlook would have been different had I read the pali Canon before 1977 but I suspect that I would have never been satisfied with my suffering lot before 1977 no matter what scriptures I read and only that miraculous consciousness change in 1977 could assuage my troubled, conflicted mind. I was never a partisan person who jumps to conclusions but I was always open with a critical eye to appraise whatever was presented to me. I tried meditating and initially it was a struggle. I remembered in the early days when I experienced substantial stress and restlessness from work demands that I tried to shrug off by meditating, I found myself struggling just to keep still and not get up. Often before long I would lie down to sleep. It is a far cry today when consciousness state even when I speak with casual acquaintances is unruffled during and afterwards and whatever shallow stress or restlessness I experience nowadays will swiftly disappear almost as soon as I begin to meditate and as my (effortless) calm concentration deepened even annoying background noises (eg recently the squeaking of the rotating ceiling fan intruded) faded into the background (I could still hear the creaking fan but as my consciousness state was elevated, it sounded remote and did not irritate me anymore)

Working Out What Acting Is All About:
Disenchanted with my financially remunerative but stressful life I began to pay attention to the stress I experienced daily (instead of paying attention to making money or the stock exchange until today Ihave no interest in ‘investing’) because I was always intolerant of stress and it gradually dawned on me vaguley that people were not being themselves but being stressfully sugar laced poisonously nice to each other, not good. I discovered smiling created stress in me and was not natural but forced or fabricated to be nice to others and if I stopped smiling in my many daily transactions, I experienced tangible reduction in stress.

This ability to discern that smiling induces stress is not universal or a ‘no brainer’ because I have just spoken to a female patient with hypertension who smiled frequently and insisted that smiling is beneficial, it relieves stress. If I am correct, it indicates how deluded or undiscerning she is to believe what is extremely stressful, smiling is an antidote to stress.

In the early days I thought some smiles were genuine reflecting true joy (I was probably fooled by sentiment that the gorgeous smiles of some, especially attractive females, were genuine when they are gorgeous, convincing well practiced fakes) whilst others were stressfully faked to please or impress others.

I felt some people were being genuine in their relations with others whilst others were putting on a show. I accused some people, including my brother of falsely acting, not being himself whilst I upheld others as not acting. However, as my insight improved, I realized that whilst indeed my brother was acting, it was not only some people who were acting but everyone was in fact acting, even so called good people eg Mandela or Mahtma Gandhi. Iit was not only some smiles are faked but all smiles as expressed by ordinary people are never passive but in truth forceful faked, forcefully directed at others to deceive, please or impress; gorgeous smiles are smiles that have been honed to perfection like the professional tennis player’s ‘awesome’ serves to impress.

My ability to see exactly how each person acted, why I said they were acting and not being themselves improved gradually until today I can see instantly and infallibly without difficulty how each person acts and what their probable underlying intentions in acting are.

There was a time I thought only feckless humans falsely acted, animals had no reasons to act and were being themselves but again as my discernment improved, I saw that animals too, reflecting what the Buddha said we can all be born animals, were also good actors who stressed themselves (not that they can help themselves otherwise) to exaggerate and fake in the name of deceiving, pleasing, impressing, dominating and intimidating other animals.

As time passed and my mind became increasingly steadied by meditation, I began to increasingly see and therefore define how everyone acted in speech and actions by what & how they did or said things, how they are constant, never intermittent actors. I discerned how people were (unnecessarily) forcefully stretching their syllables with every word (sibilance is subtly stretching the ‘s’ in pronunciation) they spoke creating significant stress for themselves and listeners who have to bear their forcefully stretched syllables. As I focused on the mechanics of people’s speech, I discovered how people were unnecessarily longwinded, how they mindlessly uttered in repetition “sure, sure, sure” or “Ya! Ya! Ya!” that stressed themselves and was a pain on the ear, not pleasing. I began to realize that the reason why a lot of people’s speech sounded harsh was because it was not only both loud and fast but it was explosive. It is not so much the loudness and rapidity of their speech that made it harsh but it was the rapid acceleration and thence deceleration of loudness and speed within a sentence that marked them as harsh, stabbing or explosive.

Thus it was that allied to regular meditation and reading scriptures, I gradually gained full insight into the entire nature of acting and discovered how it afflicted not some but all beings, not only involved their speech and deeds but their perceptions and thoughts and acting is the root of all unnecessary self generated stress that led infallible to conflict, restlessness, mad/violent thoughts and depression.
Sheer Coincidences?
If you agree or can perceive that there was an extra ordinary consciousness change that benefited you sometime after 1977 and there were further changes in recent years, then:

Considering that for one who discerns correctly, acting is always tormenting, stressful and sinful and non acting the opposite, why is it that even though continuing consciousness changes since 1977 permit anyone to stop stressful sinful acting, no one that I can discern everywhere in the world has spontaneously stopped their sinful and stressful acting? Instead, even those who believe they are quite good and intelligent, even those who have heard what I have said many times, who rub shoulders with me daily, continue to somnolently act, cannot see that the way they say or do things is forceful, is stressful to themselves and a pain, not a boon to receive? When I criticized rightly this girl she turned away even before I could finish telling her calmly what I wanted to say and she then angrily rebutted that I was no better than her, not realizing that the usual way she spoke was stabbing, harsh on the ears of anyone and surely creating stress for herself. It is as if she is blind to the fact that the manner she speaks is harmful to herself and others, not beneficial. Yet another acquaintance speaks softly sprinkled with chuckles as if everything is a bit funny or terrible or ‘wow’ or ‘ho, ho, ho’ not realizing that this is acting, being nice and stressful to self and others. Could it reflect their natures that they continue to act and find it difficult if not impossible to see the falsity in acting and put a stop to their manipulative acting?

In contrast the person who first initiated the consciousness change in 1977 was the first and it appears only person to spontaneously become totally and effortlessly relaxed not once but at least twice and he went on to now finally put an end to his own shallow acting and also spontaneously work out in all its details how people act. Could it reflect there may be a fundamental difference in his nature that he is intolerant of stress and by extension intolerant of falsehood with a keener eye for truth?

I did not always accuse others of falsely acting nor did I always see as I see now precisely how people acted. Considering that when I proposed to this reasonably intelligent girl that smiling causes stress, she smiled broadly to insist that smiling does not create stress but is an antidote to stress, it may be no surprise or is it another sheer coincidence that it was subsequently again the same person who changed the world who realized that everyone in this world was not being themselves but they were all falsely forcefully acting and I worked out precisely what acting was, how people acted and how it is linked intimately to their stress, restlessness, violent impulses and depression. They may be correct but it seems a lot of very ‘normal’ people believe the opposite, what is stressful (smiing & stretching syllables) is soothing, eases stresses. How can you teach the blind to see?

Because acting is what people everywhere do ALL the time and it is unnecessary, can be dropped, is stressful, leading to untold torment and sinful (harming others) this discovery about acting by me is of paramount importance because it enables those who understood and applied themselves to meaningfully exit suffering even forever where previously they were detained in endless suffering because their very constant false acting churned up insoluble stress and conflict.

How did it come to pass that the person who first initiated the consciousness change in 1977 is again the first to stumble on this truth about acting? How come it has never dawned on any of the many intelligent and religious people in this world not only today but throughout history that they stressfully, falsely act all the time and that their false acting (exaggerating and faking) is the taproot to all their stresses, conflict, restlessness, mad volitions and depression? People smile and stretch their syllables all the time throughout the ages. How come it never occurred to them that their smiling and stretching syllables create terrible stress that is cumulative leading to restlessness, violent urges and depression?

Even though ordinary people foolishly create unnecessary stress for themselves by acting leading to restlessness, silly, mad and violent impulses and depression, nobody in his right mind would choose to remain in stress, restlessness and depression if they could instead exist in an effortlessly serene, worry free and depression free state. Therefore, if I had stumbled on this consciousness change by chance and not predestiny, given the chance, anyone else could have done it instead, then if that change led me to an effortless, calm and clearly thinking state, how come the same wonderful end point was never reached by ALL the rest after they changed, even till this day, as far as I can tell? Instead they have all remained still tough stubborn forceful actors who do not realize they constantly create unnecessary stress for themselves and others thereby preventing this serene state from arising. If their natures are similar to mine, surely at least some would have become totally relaxed, non acting?

If changing the consciousness state in 1977 was a random or chance occurence, some else could have done it, you do not need to be discerning, articulate or particularly good to do it, it would be yet another sheer coincidence that the same person who initiated it is not only discerning but articulates well his many thoughts that have never before expressed by others before (there are many intelligent people who are poor communicators). He not only elucidated clearly & concisely what acting is about but furthermore, he was conversant in matters of the spirit, able to interpret Buddhist & Christian texts in a way that arguably (or clearly) no other person has done before after the masters departed.

If it was mere coincidence, someone else could have initiated the change in 1977, then considering the billions who exist now and before, statistically it should have been one person who will cause the initial consciousness change, another or many others who will then spontaneously become effortlessly relaxed by exiting stressful acting and yet others will then develop insight into the nature of acting (whilst the rest of mankind will all then tune in and listen with rapt attention as the follow the world series of sports or the Olympics and will all joyfully accept this never before heard gospel about acting with humility and change themselves AS SOON AS POSSIBLE to become permanently happy) and yet others will independently cast light (as never before) on what the Buddha said in an unique insightful way and yet others will glorify Jesus as he said the counselro will by taking what is his and making it known to you.

Not only did I originally benefited people by initiating the consciousness change in 1977 but I believe again in recent years I am again benefiting others either directly through what I say, my conduct & appearance or indirectly through further domino effect consciousness change that may be occuring in tandem with the changes I experienced recently that I see is also occurring to everyone.

Joyous & Joyless Aggression:
The joyous consciousness state that I experienced in 1977 was essentially because of my newfound aggressiveness. When I was quite sure I had changed irrevocably to become assured & fearless, I was not kidding myself I had changed, I knew with quiet assurance it was an unimaginable breakthrough, a consciousness state that nobody before could have experienced, like a form of enlightenment or awakening of the consciousness or blissful permanent, not a temporary release from suffering like from drug or alcohol.

Although I had qualms about being aggressive, about my newfound aggressiveness, I asked myself why is it that even though there are so many aggressive people throughout the ages and now; how come they never stumbled on this joyful quantum consciousness leap? How is it that when I became aggressive, it was as if a door opened in my mind but other aggressive people never experienced the same breakthrough state when they are habitually aggressive? Surely, in all the incidents of aggressions, there must be one instance where they must have tasted this unheard joy and pursuing it, break through mental barriers to discover this state of the mind I discovered? I could not explain why then.

Now I understand why. Although aggression is ultimately stressful and harmful to both self and others, my newfound aggression was directed against the force of going against myself to act weak and dependant. It was directed at being forcefully myself, being true to myself and others and being truly good instead of acting good. This was the reason it was joyous because it was breaking the shackles of falsehood, inhibition, pretense and manipulation of others.

When ordinary people throughout the ages and even today were aggressive, they were lashing out at others, manipulating and harming others and themselves, reinforcing their force of going against themselves in the name of deceiving, pleasing, impressing, intimidating and dominating others which was why they never experienced a joyous release of their consciousness but instead every time they expressed aggression, either physically through speech or deed or mentally, their aggression only strengthened their bonds to suffering that again drove them to lash out hatefully. The more they suffered, the more they lashed out negatively until the way out of their agony is no longer visible.

AGAIN, THAT AGGRESSIVE PEOPLE THROUGHOUT THE AGES NEVER ACHIEVED THIS REVOLUNTIONARY JOYOUS PERMANENT BREAKTHROUGH AND TRANSFORMATION OF THEIR CONSCIOUSNESS DESPITE BEING HABITUALLY AGGRESSIVE WHILST I ACHIEVED THIS BREAKTHROUGH THE MOMENT I BECAME AGGRESSIVE SUGGESTS THERE MAY BE SOMETHING UNIQUE IN MY PSYCHE THAT PERMITTED THAT AND THERE MAY BE A FUNDAMENTAL DIFFERENCE IN MY AGGRESSION AS COMPARED TO ALL OTHERS.

The reason I felt joy and changed permanently was because my newfound aggression was directed at countering my internal force of going against myself in me. When I was forceful or aggressive, it was not blind, lashing out force but directed force to forcefully be true according to how I know how to be true (perhaps there is no truth in others, only pretense or acted truth), force directed at being true to myself and others and unknown to me then, I was wearing down the internal force of going against myself until it disappeared and because there was no longer any negative force to oppose, I became effortlessly serene, without restlessness either at rest or in whatever I said or did.

When you are incarcerated by strong forces to go against yourself to act weak, fearful to appease others, you have to use force or aggressiveness to overcome them and because these forces are finite, once exhausted, no force is required not to go against oneself thereby I experienced an effortless calm.

AGGRESIVENESS IS NEVER JUSTIFIED AND IS ONLY AN UNAVOIDABLE EXPEDIENT THAT IS ACCOMPANIED BY JOY IN THE VIRTUOUS AS HE GRAVITATES FROM HIS STRESSFUL EXISTING STATE OF NOT LETTING HIS YES BE YES ONLY (EG STRETCHING SYLLABLES) TO EFFORTLESS FUTURE LETTING HIS YES BE YES ONLY (EG NOT STRETCHING SYLLABLES). AS SOON AS HE ATTAINS THIS NEW SINLESS STATE, NO AGGRESSION IS FURTHER REQUIRED AND HE IS EFFORTLESSLY NOT AGGRESSIVE ANYMORE. HYPOCRITES MAY PREACH TOTAL NON VIOLENCE BUT BECAUSE THEY REMAIN ACTORS, THERE MUST BE REPRESSED AGGRESSION THAT THEY STRUGGLE TO HIDE BUT MUST BE EXPRESSED SOMEHOW INDIRECTLY.

Why Everyone Must Initially Force Themselves Not To Go Against Themselves:
There are a lot of people, even those who call themselves good and intelligent who do not realize they are going against themselves all the time in what & how they say, do, think and perceive things. If you cannot see yourself going against yourself, creating unnecessary stress for yourself, nobody can help you.
If you have reasonable discernment, you can see how you are going against yourself, then you must pay attention (right mindfulness) when you go against yourself (eg watch yourself forcefully stretching your syllables) and then apply force to force yourself not to stretch your syllables, not occasionally but in a concerted effort until a day will arrive when you will finally effortlessly (not need force to) not stretch your syllables because not stretching your syllables is passive, letting your yes be yes only.

Nobody goes against themselves passively but initially, they are forced by others (parents, peers, society) apply force on themselves to go against themselves (eg to act instead of be themselves, to stretch their syllables to be nice). Gradually, they do not have to be forced by others, do not even have to forced by themselves but they are forced by strong emotions (pride, shame, ill will) and stress to helplessly go against themselves. Because they are no longer forcing themselves but forced by their emotions, they become deluded they are being themselves, themselves is doing or saying things forcefully that go against themselves.

It is the universal law that whoever is dwelling in sin (forcefully doing things that go against yourself is sin) must strive, must apply force in a sustained, unrelenting manner, must strive in a sustained manner to efface or wipe off gradually that force of going against themselves in order to exit sin and suffering. Without applying directed force in a sustained manner, you cannot exit acting (eg stretching syllables). If you apply force in a patchy manner, eg force yourself not to stretch syllables three times but allow yourself to involuntarily forcefully stretch your syllables ten times afterwards, you are not dedicated and have actually reinforced rather than reduced your force of going against yourself to stretch syllables.

It does not take force to not stretch your syllables because you are doing nothing by not stretching your syllables but it always takes force and energy to stretch your syllables that in time the habit energy to keep doing so is prodigious. Hence you must persistently, mindfully apply force to exhaust this habit energy to stretch syllables until it is exhausted and you effortlessly not stretch your syllables because no force is required to do nothing.

And when you apply force to stop yourself going against yourself, that aggression is joyful because it reduces your stress but if you apply force or you are forced by emotions to stretch your syllables, that forcefulness is stressful because it hurts you.

This is the reason why I felt joyous being aggressive after I changed because I was joyously applying force to stop myself going against myself whilst everybody else never experienced joy when they were aggressive because their aggressiveness is driven by ill will to persecute others and themselves.

This Would Not Be Possible:
Whilst others may obfuscate or deny or rubbish that there was any significant consciousness change after 1977 or in recent years either because they are deluded, grossly unperceiving or pretentious (lying), there are irrefutable PERMANENT consciousness changes I detect in myself after 1977 and in recent years again.

(If there was a significant change and you deny, rubbish or cannot perceive it, then you are destined in your blindness to return here to suffer again; not necessarily as humans)

If I had not changed after 1977, I would not be writing this, nor will the thoughts I now convey occur in my mind because it was preoccupied by neurotic mundane thoughts. I would instead be still wracked today by insufferable stress, restlessness, conflict, insecurity and silly insoluble irrational worries about coping with meeting people.

In those days I was always tense, always or easily becoming nervous and just the anticipation of meeting others would cause great nervousness that I struggled to contain and not expose in the presence of others and haunted me afterwards. I had a debilitating phobia of greeting people (introducing myself and shaking hands and uttering niceties or formalities) and saying farewells eg saying goodbye to the host and his family after a social dinner. I would twitch and tremble almost uncontrollably on such occasions especially if I was detained by the host in prolonged goodbye chitchat and wondered why I could not be like so many others who seem so confident and not to be troubled by social banter or meeting others.

Nowadays, it is IMPOSSIBLE that I would not be able to stand my own ground in the presence of anyone because I am effortlessly being myself, would not force myself to go against myself to kowtow to smile and say silly nonsense to please others.

Although I believed so then, it was not that there was something wrong with me, I was a social misfit or schizophrenic that I found such apparently simple tasks like meeting others and social banter so nerve wracking but it is because such activities are always intrinsically seriously stressful, even mind bending to ANYONE who indulges but most others are tough enough to fake as if they enjoy what is in truth not harmless, enjoyable small talk but grave stress and sin.

The Buddha said idle chatter and telling lies lead to hell or the animal womb. The reason why I was so nervous then in those situations may be because somehow inside, I knew idle chatter is not harmless but sends one even to hell. I was only consciously forcing myself to be nice to others whereas others have graduated to automatically forced by urges to be nice, an act that will consign them to perdition they do not realize or refuse to believe. I was hesitantly, consciously forcing myself to be nice to others creating tension and nervousness that I became painfully aware and as time progressed, it increasingly undermined my social confidence. Others, even those who call themselves good had no such qualms about uttering niceties they don’t mean or forcefully believe they do mean it, just to get on in life.

Nowadays I do not fear meeting others, those situations involving greeting and bidding goodbye do not make me nervous because I am true to myself, there is no force in me to put on a show for others and when there is no show, there is no nervousness, no show that can break down. When there are no smiles, there are no smiles to break down into twitches.

BEFORE 1977 I FELT LIKE THE MAN ON DEATH ROW WAITING IN GREAT ANXIETY FOR THE HANGMAN TO COME. AFTER 1977, IT WAS LIKE I WAS NOT ONLY MIRACULOUSLY REPRIEVED BUT TRANSPORTED TO A GARDEN OF JOY I NEVER DREAMT POSSIBLE.

How many ordinary people can bring themselves to admit, let alone speak about their inadequacies and insecurities? There may be serious emotional blocks and denial that do not permit them to speak thus and they are kidding themselves if they think they are as devoted to truth as I am. What they do not realize is that this pretense may detain them in this world in the Age to come.

Why The Change Benefited Everyone:
Even though ordinary people constantly go against themselves to create stress or disadvantage for themselves, going against themselves is never without purpose or self benefit but it is ALWAYS intended foolishly for self gain, for short sighted self gratifications. Even though people are evil, feckless, they do not want to suffer anymore than they need to, but because they must be evil, they must continue to suffer.

Hence unless something benefits them, is to their advantage (as Jesus said) people will not change themselves. Unless something clearly benefits them, is instantly recognizable as beneficial, they will not change swiftly en masse.

Why change if you are happy in the state as you are and that change offers you no benefit? That everyone, not just some, swiftly changed themselves after 1977 and again in recent years, without having to see me or listen to what I have said implies they can sense the change in me & others around them and they are seized immediately to forcefully change because they do not want to suffer in their current condition.

I certainly derived unmistakable, previously unimaginable benefits ensuing from the change in 1977 and now in recent years and though it is impossible that ordinary people will experience the full extent of the effortlessly calm and clear mental and bodily state I experience, they are likely or must derive similar but lesser benefit from the changes (why should the same change give me benefit but suffering in all others?) that is only limited by their wickedness in still forcefully going against themselves to manipulate others.

There is collaborating evidence that this is the case because I can see now in retrospect as I couldn’t before 1977 that EVERYONE, not just some were suffering in mind warping fashion before 1977 and they were only putting on a (cruel) show that they were enjoying themselves. Previously I was under the delusion that there were many who enjoyed themselves and were well adjusted whilst I was unhappy and ill adjusted but after the change I could see they were all faking it to get along. There is ample evidence from the lives of celebrities (Marilyn, Elvis, Natalie Wood, James Dean, Brando, Howard Hughes) that behind the scenes they were tormented and quite eager to kill themselves. After the changes, although still suffering, people were visibly more ‘liberated’, less inhibited.

Jesus: Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? And not one of them will fall to the ground without your Father's will. Even the hairs of your head are all numbered.
If you agree there was a clear consciousness change after 1977 and again in recent years that benefited you (and everyone as I see), and considering that Jesus said above that not one sparrow will fall to the ground without your Father’s will and even the hairs of your head are ALL numbered, is it possible that this global change I triggered in 1977 and again recently, caught your Father by surprise, was an accident or was it in the full knowledge of the Father and even intended for Jesus also said:
Nevertheless I tell you the truth: it is to your advantage (the counselor must DEFINTELY bring you advantage) that I go away, for if I do not go away, the Counselor will not come to you; but if I go, I will send him to you. And when he comes, he will convince the world concerning sin and righteousness and judgment: concerning sin, because they do not believe in me; concerning righteousness, because I go to the Father, and you will see me no more; concerning judgment, because the ruler of this world is judged.
If the initial consciousness change in 1977 was a mere accidental occurrence, it must be a series of sheer coincidences that the person who triggered that change then triggered further changes again recently, he exited sinful, stressful acting not once but three times whilst the rest of humanity have not exited acting, even those who profess to be good and intelligent who have been told in no uncertain terms, he is not only intelligent but articulate, able to work out and present in its entirety what is meant by acting and how people stressfully act and furthermore, he happens to be upright, a man of truth not only conversant in spiritual matters but he has illuminated what the Buddha and Jesus said in a way no man has ever done before or now?
Jesus appeared to hint about a future consciousness change:
"I have yet many things to say to you, but you cannot bear them now. When the Spirit of truth comes, he will guide you into all the truth; for he will not speak on his own authority, but whatever he hears he will speak, and he will declare to you the things that are to come.”
Addendum: Why The Change Benefited Everyone:
Because the consciousness change benefited me, it must also benefit all those who changed in some way and the fact that everyone changed swiftly (though they still acted) reflects the indisputable or undeniable advantage it conferred, otherwise why change and why change so hastily?

Even if ordinary people have never and may never exit acting, they all benefited as a result of the change in 1977 and in recent years by experiencing a reduction the intensity of their acting and a measure of sobriety. It is IMPOSSIBLE that ordinary people could attain the same release of their awareness through goodwill that I experience today because they never abandoned acting but they will ALL have experienced some amelioration from previous levels of stress.

If everyone was happy before the 1977 change, how come everyone turned nasty, were seized to snarl just on sight of me who was not provocative but quietly being my effortlessly calm, changed self in 1978? The fact that everyone I met turned violently nasty after I became totally relaxed in 1978, including those who acted as if they were happy and well adjusted, those who professed to be good, children and pretty girls indicates they were ALL not happy, only FAKING they were happy and well adjusted and when they saw a truly effortlessly happy man, they were ALL jolted convulsively out of their previous lifelong suffering somnolence to tear at their own mental shackles they were previously unaware existed.

I further observed that despite scowling murderously, many of these same people were immediately seized irrepressibly to burst into delighted animated laughter and uninhibited greetings of fellow goats who happened to be around. This suggests they ALL felt better as if liberated after involuntarily displaying their scowling aggression; something extraordinary because nobody feels better after being nasty. This indicates that this display of aggression by others on seeing me is fundamentally different from ALL the past displays of aggression: it brought TRUE joy in their being. I saw that people on seeing me, acted as if they had just seen a ghost or a Martian and were going about with ‘greater sense of purpose’, greater aggression and spontaneity after turning nasty.

THE AGGRESSION THAT PEOPLE DISPLAYED WHEN THEY SAW ME RELAXED IN 1978 WAS FUNDAMENTALLY DIFFERENT FROM THE AGGRESSION THEY DISPLAYED ALL THEIR LIVES PREVIOUSLY IN THAT IT WAS LIBERATING, EXHILIRATING, BROUGHT JOY IN THEM, EVEN THOUGH THEY CONTINUED TO ACT AFTER THAT AND EVEN TODAY. THE FACT THAT AFTER THE CONSCIOUSNESS SHACKLES WERE REMOVED FOR THEM IN 1978 PERMITTING THEM TO EXIT ACTING AND THEY HAVE NEVER GIVEN UP THEIR URGE TO MANIPULATE EACH OTHER BY ACTING EVEN TILL THESE DAYS, EVEN THOSE WHO ARE SUPPOSED TO BE GOOD CONTINUE TO ACT TODAY AFTER THEY HAVE BEEN TOLD WHILST I EXITED ACTING THREE TIMES SUGGEST THERE IS A FUNDAMENTAL DIFFERENCE IN MY NATURE COMPARED TO EVERYONE ELSE. AS SIMPLE AS BEING TRUTHFUL AND GOOD, ‘LETTING YOUR YES BE YES ONLY’ MAY APPEAR TO ORDINARY PEOPLE, IT IS BEYOND THEIR KEN TO BE TRULY TRUTHFUL & GOOD. THEY MUST ALWAYS SAY OR DO MORE, THEY MUST IMPRESS OTHERS HOW GOOD THEY ARE, THEY MUST BE DEMONSTRATIVELY, EMOTIONALLY NICE, NOT PASSIVELY GOOD.

Therefore, the reasons why the consciousness change in 1977 benefited everyone are:
1) People do not change themselves unless change benefits them and because everyone changed swiftly by knock on effect, the incentive or benefit for change must be irresistible, like a person forced to live in a putrid lavatory given a glimpse of a world outside without foul smells previously unknown to them.
2) I experience a wonderful release from suffering as a result of the change and even though people have not exited acting like I did, they will still have experienced an appreciably amelioration of their previous suffering by turning down the volume and pace of their acting.
3) The uniformly hate filled agitated reactions I got everywhere, even by people who were supposedly good or happy when they saw me in my serene state suggests that they were held in suffering, not happy and the sight of me stirred uncontrollable violence. Nowadays I am passive, not violent. Anyone with violence in them that can be stirred cannot be truly happy but faking so. Hence the change benefited everyone.
4) There are many anecdotal stories that the rich and famous were in truth tormented to the point of suicide and subsequent to 1977 I could see through the ways people behaved prior to 1977 to see that they were all suffering, no one was genuinely happy but they were all putting on brave faces.
Why I Am Also The Trigger Of Recent Changes:
There have been further, unmistakable consciousness changes in EVERYONE over the past few years even though they still act. It did not strike me immediately but I arrived at this conclusion gradually long after everyone again began when it became increasingly obvious to me that in tandem with permanent positive changes I felt in me, people’s appearances and behavior everywhere too were also changing positively.

Again, I may be or am the trigger behind this. Why is that?

Firstly, there have been further unmistakable changes in myself over the past years (about 1997 onwards) as a result of my improving perception of how the considerable stress I experienced daily is related to my own & others’ behavior impacting on me and how these behaviors were not natural but exaggerated and faked. I began to see that people were acting, not being themselves, they were nice, not good and how niceness was sugar laced poison. I gradually refined and defined for myself and those who received my E Mails what acting is and how people acted until finally I could see that not just some people were acting but everyone was acting, not for some of the time but all the time and how acting was ALWAYS driven by emotions and stress to forcefully go against oneself to exaggerate and fake whatever and how one says, does, thinks and perceives in manner that has to be forcefully controlled (in order not to kill oneself immediately) creating insoluble stress, restlessness, violent urges and depression in the name of deceiving, pleasing, impressing, intimidating and dominating others. As a result of my insights which I mindfully and persistently put into clearly comprehending practice I gradually stopped acting to experience a drastic reduction in intrinsic stress, restlessness, doubt and uncertainty, mad and violent impulses and depression. These changes in me is visible to those who interact with me and must have rubbed off partially on them and it also must have influenced those who read my innumerable E Mails.

It did not occur to me immediately but it gradually dawned on me with increasing certainty after repeated verifications that visible by their appearances and behavior, everyone (not just some) was again changing just as they did after 1977, not just locally but globally, even though they still continue to act. (I berated my brother for acting but gradually I could see that though he was still acting, there were perceptibly changes in his appearance and behavior)

Those who have read what I wrote over the years may acknowledge that they have changed as a result of reading what I wrote. In that case, I am DIRECTLY responsible for causing their change. The changes that are evident to themselves will also be reflected in their appearances and how they comport themselves to those who interact with them and therefore influence them indirectly.

Hence, even though the vast majority of people have not seen me, have not read what I have said, by contagion effect as after 1977, they have all been transformed permanently to become more subdued, more direct today, even though they still act and may have no clue why they are changing because they are changing because everyone around has changed in a way that would be clearly advantageous to them, so they too changed themselves hastily.

Hence, today as in 1977 I was the trigger of changes that have spread around the world because I changed myself unmistakably first, I then influenced others by what I wrote about acting and many other things and by knock on or contagion effect of people changed by me changing others.


How Babble Can Lead To Intense Pretense:
You must have heard children suddenly breaking out into loud, explosive meaningless self addressed babble thus, “Arr Gaa Gaa Gaa Harr! Arr, Arr, Arr Gahhh! Arr, Arr, Arr Gahh!” endlessly until they regain a sense of control. Babbling is essentially similar in nature to adult forceful grunts, spitting and coughs. It is a form of involuntary, unintended or mad acting.

Such babble is usually if not always involuntary, driven by warping mental tension and is a form of lashing out. Not only are they driven involuntarily by mad, violent internal urges, they are not harmless but instaed whenever children break out into forceful babble, they are reinforcing that mad urge to repeat in the future that in time may become more easily aroused and intense.
The pathology of babbling may be more complex than indifferent self absorbed observers think. For instance, they may be initially driven by uncontrollable impulse to lash out to babble but they then may become aware that what they are doing is shameful loss of control, what they babble is nonsense and they then start to pretend (to themselves and others) that they did not break out into nonsensical babble unintentionally but they did it intentionally to practice vocalization and therefore have graduated to fostering a charade by defiantly continuing to babble longer than the urge has lasted to insist they intended it and it isn’t nonsense. They do not realize they are foolishly cultivating their ability to pretend so that in future it will be more difficult and finally even impossible for them to admit the truth of what they do eg they broke out in babble because they lost control and their babble is indeed pure nonsense. To believe what is false (that you babbled to practice vocalization, their babble is not nonsense) is true is dicing with madness when one day you will finally truly believe what you forced yourself to falsely believe becomes madly true.

If you asked any child whether his babble is nonsense or whether he suffered momentary madness and he is likely to deny and insist it is not nonsense, he did not lose control of himself to babble but instead he will find some excuse like he is ‘enjoying himself’ or practicing vocalization.
Many people do not realize they are cultivating pretense all the time and how this will redound on them even with madness later.

They smile when someone say something sarcastic or hurt them to pretend they are happy or unperturbed when they are hurt. (Ask them if they are hurt and often if not always they will insist ‘no worries!’)

They pretend to look at something eg they pick up a magazine to pretend they did not see someone.

They pretend to be diligently working as soon as they spy their boss enter.

They pretend to be friendly and anxiously concerned by smiling and speaking in an anxious manner when they do not feel anything.

Every time anyone pretends something, he is not just rendering an inconsequential act but reinforcing his forceful pretense and perfecting his art of pretense so that his pretense will gradually become more intense, more irresistible and more real. In time to come, he may lose control of his pretense, eg pretending when there is no need to stress himself to pretend or because he forces himself to believe what he pretended is not pretended, his reality testing may be ultimately stretched to break point and they finally truly believe what they pretended so well so often for so long is really true.